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Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

the engagement story

Hurry up. I’m freaking freezing, I said, one sopping March evening before the North Dakota rain turned to snow. 
We’d just dined with his parents and were headed to our vehicles, nestled next to each other in a restaurant parking lot, just like us, arm-in-arm, side-by-side. At 9 p.m., the hour exceeded darkness by Twilight standards and flirted with my bedtime. My belly was full and my body fatigued.
Seriously! I said beneath a hood so big two Vikings helmets could fit beneath it. Brrrr!
Hold on, he said, holding up his hand like a state patrolman on a closed highway. I have something to tell you.
He bent one knee, genuflecting in his jeans, soaking them in a pavement puddle. He reached into the coat pocket I’d been sitting beside throughout our entire three-hour meal. And I gasped. 
I don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore, he said.
He opened the box but I couldn’t see. He kept talking... something about “Katherine Eileen” and “wife” but the world was aflush with snowflakes, and my vision terminated with wet concrete and dark skies. 
Suddenly, I didn’t feel so cold. 
Put it on me! I said, with the hustle of a mother of triplets on the first day of school. Right now. Right now!
And get up! I said. Get up Get up! I want to see it. 
He slid the ring he'd purchased five weeks prior... waiting for the optimal opportunity. He'd even sought the help of friends to help decide, to make sure this ring was right for my left hand. 

Between the midnight of the sky and the black concrete, I saw nothing but sparkle. 

So, what do you think? he asked.

Inhale.
I thought of the jobs I’d applied for in Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa and the opportunities I thought I’d missed. I thought of my junior-year aspirations to see the world while writing about it, advancing the ranks of the newspaper world city by city, country by country. I thought of my first months, my first winter and my first car trouble in North Dakota and how I vowed I’d never stay.

I thought of our first date, he in boots of leather and hide, and mine of pointy-toe. This will never work out, I told myself back then.
I thought of the flood and the mud and the sandbags and the stories. I thought of how it ripped my insides, watching people lose their homes, their heirlooms and at times, even their minds. Out of all the bad that came from the flood, those people say, he and I are one of the good. 

I thought of our future, our fortune and our unborn children.
Well? he asked. 

It's perfect.  

Friday, January 29, 2010

Jeans, jeans, the magical fruit

I attended a wedding this weekend in which the groom wore jeans and an untucked shirt. 


The father-of-the-bride wore jeans too. And so did all if the guests except me, the bride, the mother-of-the-bride and a little girl in a black tu-tu.


Untucked, Cowboy thought to himself.
Jeans? I thought aloud.


I wasn't so much appalled as I was intrigued.


I've only attended three North Dakota weddings, so I can't say what a traditional one looks like. But much to my despair and all I thought was right in the world, I think more weddings should come dressed in jeans. Or untucked shirts. Or tu-tus. Whatever. 


Because while weddings are a formal occasion, a marriage is not. If anything, a marriage should be the most informal relationship a person has.


informal |inˈfôrməl|adjectivehaving a relaxed, friendly, or unofficial style, manner, or nature 
Formalities in marriage should be as unfamiliar as a Big Mac on a Hilton sister. You need to wear a retainer at night? Sexy. Your first kiss was with your cousin? Weird, but I love you anyway. You need to cuddle? Take my arms. 
This relationship, bound by law, expects devotion, honor and protection of another, until death parts. So even on PMS days, low-income days, rectum-spasm days and bad-hair days, two people, previously unrelated, make a promise to love and to hold, through good times and bad. It's a formal commitment in an informal relationship, to love a person for exactly who they are and how they may change, forever and ever. 
The person you marry should see you without makeup, and tell you you look better without it. She should accept your beer belly, but take you for walks and cook you steamed vegetables anyway. A marriage is a union between two people, who they are, who they were and who'll they'll become. 
Yikes.
Maybe we get over our marriage fears by dressing them up in things borrowed and blue. 
We grow up in a society where it seems "weddings" are not only synonymous with, but more important  than, the marriage itself. Like, we may spend our entire savings account, but I'm sooo having ice sculptures of fairies and lilly pads at my wedding. And I want orchid center pieces and a midget DJ too. They represent who we are as a couple. 
Really?
If a wedding is synonymous with marriage and who two people are as a couple, mine would come dressed in pointy toed shoes in mid-January, or... pajama pants when I get off work at nightfall. We'd listen to Christina Aguilera, dance the Cupid Shuffle and feast on mom's homemade peanut butter balls.
Now that's something to celebrate. 
To be clear, I'm not against weddings and I'm not against marriage. I'm just against the Hallmark-ization that comes with celebrating two people who chose to partner their parenting skills and checking accounts with each other. 
Everyone is entitled to the wedding of their dreams, and the day is, in fact, special. Celebrate the love, celebrate the forged family and celebrate the opportunity to visit with people you only hear from on Christmas cards. 
I'm not saying throw out your top hats and turtledoves, I'm just saying the celebration is a day. But the marriage is a lifetime. And if you're lifetime is dressed in jeans, why should your wedding be any different?
Loves,Katie

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