death be to volvo

Vinny's dead. Again.

And just when I feel like beating my head against the $839 CAT and $430 O2 censor I just bought him (whatever those are) I feel I can't complain. Sure, current temperature here is 26 below, but the rest of the country is freezing too, albeit, in 26 above degree temperatures.

I'm frustrated with this weather and more frustrated feeling like it won't ever end. Snow lingered on cement-bottomed parking lots until JUNE last year, so reason beckons me to fear forever. I could take another week or two of the cold and snow, but if winter plans to stay until summer, then I plan to make like an ostrich and bury my head in sand... or peanut butter balls... whichever arrive sooner.

This year, however, I have three advantages.

1). Others across the country (except for Kevin Cleary who lives and Arizona, wears shorts to class and I hope has a huge ZIT on his nose) are experiencing the same. While the temperatures and snow accumulations differ, it seems winter is extreme for everyone this year. I find camaraderie in our shared struggle. If global warming exists, send it to North Dakota.

2). I've survived before. And even if this year is just as bad or even worse, I have experience and confidence to know I beat winter once, so this is just Round 2. Bring it, MoNa (my abbreviation for MOther NAture).

3). Although I'm related to no one within a 500-mile radius, I have co-workers, friends and neighbors who treat me like family. Need a ride? Need a jump start? They don't seem to mind lending a hand and in fact, they tell me things like we're "happy to help." The town/office/state is so small, I can ask one person for a jump and suddenly four people huddle around my car, attempting to test its battery.

It's a frustrating feeling when you can't transport yourself to the intended destination. Sure, I could walk, but my fingers would gangrene in the process. (26 below... hello) And then how would I write all these blogs about drinking Bailey's for breakfast, dicing deer testicles or imitating Foldger's coffee commercials?

Here's wishing you warm weather and cold drinks,
Katie

snow and tell

Don't worry. It doesn't look like this anymore. But it did when I left for Denver six days ago. Yikes, was that a scary drive.

Prior to my life in North Dakota, the first snow was always a happy occasion. First snow meant it was time to think about winter break, cardigan sweaters and white lights that twinkled. Children wrote wish lists for Santa and adults baked with gingerbread and cookie cutters. Finally, you could break out Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is you" and people's faces would turn from "the eff, Katie?" to "the hell, Katie?"

Three years ago, four to five inches of snow meant you had school, because crews could plow, push and melt that before the 8 a.m. bell.

Here, its an event of disastrous proportions: like, leave work early or you WILL NOT make it home. FOUR TO FIVE INCHES.

My snow anger melted, however, when I saw the green trees and their snow-covered branches. I don't care how Grinch-y you are, those saplings sure are purdy.

first snow

I'm not looking forward to snow this year. In fact, I still have nightmares about last winter... since it ended in May and all.

But Mother Nature, let's make a deal: If you stick to light dustings through March, I promise I won't complain. And I'll buy you that personalized Budweiser mug you always wanted.

Does the boogie man haunt children in winter?

If last winter was a pacifier, it'd be in-side-out by now. That's how bad it sucked.

And I have to tell you. I'm not into it. At all.

Thinking about frigid temperatures, frostbitten fingers and cars un-starting makes me want to poop my pants if only to make my mom hold me. If you thought a firey hell was scary, try freezing it.

Last winter was an anomaly even by North Dakota standards. It was like Mother Nature overheard a "Yo Mama" joke and took it personally. Soon, she was pulling the winter equivalents of driving with a baby in the front seat, losing custody of her kids, shaving her head and dating a guy named Adnan Ghalib. And then she tried to convince me that Joe was the cutest Jonas Brother. Oh hell no.

Mommy's wack.

Last year should be a one time deal, but no one guarantees it won't happen again. And I don't think I can handle another seven-month winter. Not without gaining another 12 pounds. But I shouldn't complain. I'll lose it again... if not from my waist than from all the fingers I freeze off.

You think I'm kidding? Let's recap:

* My vehicle needed a new battery last winter-- no less than 10 months since I'd replaced it the time before.
* I used emergency roadside assistance so many times, my car insurance dropped me.
* More than once, I hiked through a driveway chest-deep snow, just to get to my apartment.
* I spent an hour digging my car out of its snowy coffin at the Fargo airport. With a shovel I packed. In my suitcase.

So you can understand my child-like fear and why I sleep with the lights on and a thumb in my mouth. If the winter of 08/09 was Freddie Krueger, than 09/10 promises scary of "I Still Know What you Did Last Summer" proportions.

Don't let your kids read these blog posts anymore. I don't want to be responsible for their nightmares.