The sky is falling in Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, etc. (meaning they got two inches of snow... boo hoo), but that's just a fall day for us up here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I broke out the big guns yesterday.
Current temperature: 4 below.
I wore a coat that adds 37 inches to my waist line. The coat is so obese, it makes me look like a portabella mushroom, wide body, short legs. Wearing that beast means I need a seat-belt extender, just to ride in my car.
I've also taken to wearing two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks and two, if not three, pairs of gloves. I also wear an ear-band on top of my flat-ironed hair and beneath the hood of the sweatshirt and I sport over my work clothes. On really cold days, I wear the coat's hood as well. Think of me as a mushroom with a pointy center.
Getting dressed for the outdoors takes so long, I need half an hour just to take the garbage out.
Despite the wind, snow and 42 pounds of winter-coat insulation, winter will not get the best of me. Sure, my green coat may resemble the mold of edible fungi, but at least I have a fashionable scarf to wear with it. Note: the scarf is buried beneath the rolling tundra of faux fur, but knowing it's there gives me warmth no parka can muster.
Although the weather has convinced me to forgo my vanity and feign a 50-pound weight gain, I will not be broken. On some matters of wardrobe, I will not negotiate. I will look good no matter what the temperature. I will defy the snow, the ice and the broken ankles.
No matter what the weather man says, I will wear pointy-toe boots with heels. And Mother Nature can not stop me.
I am actually leaving the house tomorrow. WTF. - So tomorrow (Tuesday) I’m actually leaving the house and driving to Austin to be “IN CONVERSATION WITH” Samantha Irby (aka BitchesGottaEat). I never do “I...
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