Saturday, May 1, 2010

oh deer

Can we talk about this mounting thing again? Cowboy asked as we strolled no where in paticular.

It was one of those weekday nights where we could be together and just be. Light skies mixed with light winds reminded us of last year when winter coats and snowstorms were more frequent than April showers and all the May flowers.

What about it? I asked, anticipating the only disagreement we've ever had and not solved.

Cowboy wants space in our house for the heads of animals he's shot... the birds, the rodents and especially the deer. He thinks it will give the home and outdoor ambiance. I don't disagree. I think it will look like a cemetary.

I just don't think this man-room idea is going to work, he said. Mounts need higher ceilings.

When it comes to interior decorating, Cowboy and I match like pink and navy blue: feminine, masculine and flattering on any skin tone. He likes earthtones and I prefer neutrals and greens. He prefers simple and I prefer practical. Awesome.

But our design has one flaw. Cowboy blueprinted a house with high walls specifically for the shrines to fallen fauna.

Naturally, I'd prefer a shrine to Satan.

Even when I design this man-room idea, he said, it won't have enough space for the bucks and their antlers, he said.

This is working better than I expected, I mumbled to myself. Originally, I told him to hang such artifacts in the mud room where the water heater and dirty shoes go. No one will bother them in there, I said. Exactly, he said, because there's no room for them in there.

The man room was my middle ground. Build me a house with a kitchen, two bedrooms and a writing space. When we assemble the addition, you can have a man room with camo curtains and antlers on the wall. I'll never go there and I'll never complain.

I can't build those walls as tall as the house itself, he said. But the antlers need tall walls. Astetically, it's unattrative.

Unattractive is death in the living room, I said. We may have dead creatures in our home, but they'll reside in the freezer where they belong.

We continued to sashay the sidewalks I fear my children will never recognize. Where we'll live, roads consist of gravel and stone and "side walks" are made only when a person creeps through cramped space. Stop lights don't exist and parking meters are as distant as Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren.

Deer mounts honor the animal, he said. They recognize its dignity and valor.

If you wanted to honor it, you'd bury it, I said. Do you stick the heads of dead grandparents on your wall?

Mounts seem a little barbaric, and maybe they are, he said. Maybe that's why I like it. Can't we make some sort of compromise?

Hello! I said. Living here is a compromise. Have you met MoNa? She's especially bitchy to the Northern Plains...

I know, but hunting and nature are just part of who I am, he said. I just think we should find a space for them in our home.

I shook my head. Space for them means none for me.

To be continued...


  1. My solution...if he insists on dead things on the walls you need to add so many feminine touches no one notices the animal heads. Example check out the blue room half way down the page.

  2. Your mom asked us yesterday at lunch how many deer heads my dad heads (and other animal heads) my dad has. Honestly, we don't have any clue.....too many to count on two hands, that's for sure. :)

    PS, I agree with Cousin Ann. :) You're a crafty, clever girl. You will find a compromise.


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